Love is a Verb

There is a story about a man who has fallen out of love with his wife and goes to the wise man to ask for advice on what to do with his situation. He tells the wise man that he no longer loves his wife and is suffering so because he doesn’t want to break up his family and yet since he doesn’t love her anymore, the only thing he can think of to do is divorce her.

“Oh,” says the wise man, “the thing to do to solve the problem is to love her!” “But, that’s just it,” says the husband, “I don’t”. “Yes,” says the wise man, “I know, that’s the problem. You don’t love her. You must love her to solve the problem.” The husband doesn’t understand. The wise man explains, “You think love is a noun, something you find or fall into. But love is a verb. It is something you give or extend to another. If you start to extend love to her, you will begin to feel love for her again. What you give is what you feel. You started out loving her and so you felt love. If you want to solve your problem, go and give her love."

I remember the “aha” I experienced when I first heard that story. Love feels automatic at first as if we just “fall” into it. A little later, the ego steps in and starts to judge whether this person is worthy of our love. We begin to judge everything they do because we are projecting our own lack of self-love on the other. In Truth, there is nothing but love. Love is what we are. An enlightened being sees only the beloved in whomever they look upon. It is only the ego choosing to exclude. Of course, we have our personal preferences in terms of who shares our values and interests, but love, in the true sense of the word, does not leave a soul out.

Think of how wonderful we would all feel if we never stopped loving, if we just changed the nature of our relationships when they no longer fit our values or interests, but kept on loving and honoring the other. We all grow and change and sometimes in very different ways. Sometimes it is necessary to reactivate the love and renew the relationship. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of a relationship as it is, but keep the love.

Authenticity Rules

When I am finding fault with something or someone, I am aligning myself energetically with whatever it is I’m thinking. The degree to which I am projecting negativity onto someone or something is the degree to which I am cultivating a toxic cellular garden inside myself. My subconscious mind doesn’t differentiate between me, and another, and so it interprets what I’m thinking or saying to be about myself. Since my subconscious mind is basically the mind, which determines my self-esteem, being judgmental can never be very beneficial to my well being.

There is a healthy way to make choices in life and I do have preferences, so discernment is appropriate and necessary. But judging is another story. There is nothing toxic about discernment and making decisions based on my preferences. It is the unnecessary involvement in things, which are none of my business, and of which I can do nothing about, that causes the problems. When I judge others, if I’m completely honest, it is usually when I’m not feeling very good about myself and making a judgment about another temporarily makes my ego feel superior. However, the kick is fleeting and strengthening my ego is not what I’m after. Authenticity comes from being honest with myself and expressing that honesty. When I find myself judging another, I know it is a fruitless and harmful endeavor no matter how good it feels to my ego. I like to keep that aspect of me in its proper place. Authenticity is my master.

The Highest Purpose For All Involved

When I get an idea about something and want it to manifest in my life, I remember that I have such a limited view of life, seeing through the filters of my conditioning, that I don’t actually really know what would be the best thing for me. So many things I’ve visualized and asked for came to me and as soon as they did, I was asking for them to be taken away. As they say, “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”

I often think I know what I want, but when I’m asking, I‘m coming from a mind that thinks it needs something other than what is, as if the Creator, or the Force, or God, or Existence, whatever you want to call it, made a mistake. Something in me knows that I’m not seeing all there is to be seen in every moment and that I’m probably missing quite a bit. If I could see everything, I would pro,bably realize that nothing is missing in my life. I’m sure that more than I can even imagine is sitting right in front of me and I don’t see it. So I always add, “This or something better, for the highest purpose of all involved is manifesting in my life now. What I really want is to be experiencing the highest purpose for everyone. I can’t know what that is, so the best thing for me to do, as long as I think something is missing, is to turn it over and trust that Existence will show me which way to look.

Hamster Wheel of Desire

Some say desire is a distraction, always pulling our attention from the present into the future. Others say it is a necessary motivating force in evolutionary advancement. I’ve learned that there are two kinds of desires: needs and wants. A need is a “true” desire based on what I need to live, and a want is a “borrowed” desire based usually on what I see others having, and on what I think would impress others.

Satisfaction is something that comes from within rather than from any person, place, or thing on the outside. It's a decision I make to be in desire or in satisfaction. Spending time on wants rather than on needs keeps me in a never ending ride on the hamster wheel of desire. When I focus on gratitude for what I have, and work to maintain a feeling of satisfaction for what is in the moment, existence brings me whatever I need. Interestingly, whatever I need is also what I want.

The Attitude of Gratitude

I’ve heard more than one sage say that when we take life for granted the first thing we experience is boredom. If we continue for an extended length of time down this path, depression sets in. Although existence offers such abundance, it is easy to slip into thought patterns, which cause us to forget and take our precious lives for granted.

When I was growing up, I was fortunate to have a mother who had no tolerance for boredom. If I ever complained of being bored she’d say, “Boredom is not allowed in this house. Find yourself something to do.” Consequently, I have never suffered much from boredom or depression, although I have had my share of suffering.

It’s my theory that if I could focus on gratitude 100% of the time, I would experience total well being, both mentally and physically. This is not to say I wouldn’t have illnesses, set backs or challenges, I just wouldn’t suffer from them. So it’s my practice to make a daily list, either in my mind or on paper, of as many things as I can think of, for which to feel grateful. If I’m having a particularly challenging day and it’s hard to even think of things, I just say “thank you” over and over and watch what arises mentally. Sometimes, I’m quite surprised at what pops up that I’m thankful for. I’ve been doing this practice for 15 years or more, and I must say, I haven’t reached 100% yet, but I do think this theory is a good one. It works for me.

There Are Two Ways to Live Your Life

Einstein says, "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." If I think nothing is a miracle, I feel a little flat. If I think everything is a miracle, I feel inspired.

Whenever I take a moment to reflect on the fact that my heart beats, my lungs breathe, my intestines turn food into energy, and everything inside my body continues on without any effort on my part, I am amazed and there is little question in my mind which way to live life.

The Body Never Lies

When my body speaks, I listen. The body never lies. When it acts out in uncomfortable ways, I know I am out of alignment with my own truth and it is time to take note. I love how reliable my body is in keeping me attuned to the errors of my thinking. When I go too far astray, cultivating and believing thoughts which aren't bringing me peace, I can always count on my body to react and let me know. If I listen to the minor discomforts and take action to correct my thinking, the discomfort goes away. If I don't listen, the minor discomforts turn into more major discomforts and if I ignore those, I may find myself with dis-ease. I listen! This is not to say I am at fault if something sneaks up on me and I find myself ill. It's neither good nor nor bad, yet a gift showing me something I can inquire into for greater self awareness.

Focusing on What I Want

I can seriously change the quality of my life by focusing on what I WANT rather than on what I DON'T want. What I put my attention on expands and so focusing on what I'd like to see manifest rather than on what is dissatisfying to me, puts me in the proper frame of mind to change the general quality of my life from negative to positive.

Out of Alignment

When I feel out of alignment with inner peace in any way, or have a judgment about myself or another, I use the ancient Hawaiian technique of Ho'oponopono to realign myself. The technique is to focus on whatever it is I'm judging or having a problem with, and say to myself: "I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you." I'm sorry and forgive me is asking Existence or my True Self to forgive me (the egoic separate self) for thinking erroneous thoughts, which have caused my misalignment with peace. Thank you and I love you is then offering love and gratitude to my True Self. This always makes me feel better and helps me let go of my judgment. This not only reminds me that I'm responsible for any feelings I have about any particular circumstance, but also allows me to substitute a positive mantra for a negative complaint. The energy I radiate out into the world is a result of the thoughts I cultivate. Whether I am judging myself, a friend, or a world situation, my judgmental thoughts create an energetic vibration which either radiates love and healing if my thoughts are loving or aggravates the situation if my thoughts are condemning and fearful.

Independence Day

When I let go of concern for what others think of me and express myself truthfully in each moment, I feel free. Today is Independence Day, a day for celebrating freedom. As I practice expressing myself honestly, I become more authentic everyday.

My Own Best Friend

When I have a problem, I can be very sure that I AM the source of the problem. Whatever is bothering me has to do with my reaction. How I hear or see or feel anything is completely unique to me. It may not affect someone else at all. No matter how many people I can get to agree with me, and as much as it seems like it is coming from somewhere outside of me, nothing and no one can cause my feelings, not even if they wanted to. If I am coming from an unconscious place, my reaction is caused by my conditioning. That's the bad news. The good news is that this understanding gives me all the power to choose how I feel 100% of the time. It's really a choice of being kind, neutral, or mean to myself. Today I'm going to be my own best friend.

The Gap That Causes Our Stress

This difference between how we see ourselves and how we want to be seen by others is the gap which causes most of our stress. It's human nature to focus on our own faults and fear the outside world sees us as negatively as we see ourselves, while at the same time, wanting others to admire and think highly of us. When I notice this desire to impress others and get approval from the outside world, I can catch my intentions in that small space before I start to speak. If I stop before speaking, allow myself to just relax, I can give myself the approval I'm wanting. This feels so much better. When I come from an authentic place in all my interactions with the outside world, when I completely express my truth, all stress and tension disappears.

What I See in Others is a Mirror of Myself

The strengths I notice and admire in others are strengths I have as well, or I wouldn't notice them. We are all mirrors for one another. When I acknowledge and praise strengths in others, especially out loud, my self esteem grows. When I criticize others, my self esteem withers.