Love is a Verb

There is a story about a man who has fallen out of love with his wife and goes to the wise man to ask for advice on what to do with his situation. He tells the wise man that he no longer loves his wife and is suffering so because he doesn’t want to break up his family and yet since he doesn’t love her anymore, the only thing he can think of to do is divorce her.

“Oh,” says the wise man, “the thing to do to solve the problem is to love her!” “But, that’s just it,” says the husband, “I don’t”. “Yes,” says the wise man, “I know, that’s the problem. You don’t love her. You must love her to solve the problem.” The husband doesn’t understand. The wise man explains, “You think love is a noun, something you find or fall into. But love is a verb. It is something you give or extend to another. If you start to extend love to her, you will begin to feel love for her again. What you give is what you feel. You started out loving her and so you felt love. If you want to solve your problem, go and give her love."

I remember the “aha” I experienced when I first heard that story. Love feels automatic at first as if we just “fall” into it. A little later, the ego steps in and starts to judge whether this person is worthy of our love. We begin to judge everything they do because we are projecting our own lack of self-love on the other. In Truth, there is nothing but love. Love is what we are. An enlightened being sees only the beloved in whomever they look upon. It is only the ego choosing to exclude. Of course, we have our personal preferences in terms of who shares our values and interests, but love, in the true sense of the word, does not leave a soul out.

Think of how wonderful we would all feel if we never stopped loving, if we just changed the nature of our relationships when they no longer fit our values or interests, but kept on loving and honoring the other. We all grow and change and sometimes in very different ways. Sometimes it is necessary to reactivate the love and renew the relationship. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of a relationship as it is, but keep the love.