Love is a Verb

There is a story about a man who has fallen out of love with his wife and goes to the wise man to ask for advice on what to do with his situation. He tells the wise man that he no longer loves his wife and is suffering so because he doesn’t want to break up his family and yet since he doesn’t love her anymore, the only thing he can think of to do is divorce her.

“Oh,” says the wise man, “the thing to do to solve the problem is to love her!” “But, that’s just it,” says the husband, “I don’t”. “Yes,” says the wise man, “I know, that’s the problem. You don’t love her. You must love her to solve the problem.” The husband doesn’t understand. The wise man explains, “You think love is a noun, something you find or fall into. But love is a verb. It is something you give or extend to another. If you start to extend love to her, you will begin to feel love for her again. What you give is what you feel. You started out loving her and so you felt love. If you want to solve your problem, go and give her love."

I remember the “aha” I experienced when I first heard that story. Love feels automatic at first as if we just “fall” into it. A little later, the ego steps in and starts to judge whether this person is worthy of our love. We begin to judge everything they do because we are projecting our own lack of self-love on the other. In Truth, there is nothing but love. Love is what we are. An enlightened being sees only the beloved in whomever they look upon. It is only the ego choosing to exclude. Of course, we have our personal preferences in terms of who shares our values and interests, but love, in the true sense of the word, does not leave a soul out.

Think of how wonderful we would all feel if we never stopped loving, if we just changed the nature of our relationships when they no longer fit our values or interests, but kept on loving and honoring the other. We all grow and change and sometimes in very different ways. Sometimes it is necessary to reactivate the love and renew the relationship. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of a relationship as it is, but keep the love.

Authenticity Rules

When I am finding fault with something or someone, I am aligning myself energetically with whatever it is I’m thinking. The degree to which I am projecting negativity onto someone or something is the degree to which I am cultivating a toxic cellular garden inside myself. My subconscious mind doesn’t differentiate between me, and another, and so it interprets what I’m thinking or saying to be about myself. Since my subconscious mind is basically the mind, which determines my self-esteem, being judgmental can never be very beneficial to my well being.

There is a healthy way to make choices in life and I do have preferences, so discernment is appropriate and necessary. But judging is another story. There is nothing toxic about discernment and making decisions based on my preferences. It is the unnecessary involvement in things, which are none of my business, and of which I can do nothing about, that causes the problems. When I judge others, if I’m completely honest, it is usually when I’m not feeling very good about myself and making a judgment about another temporarily makes my ego feel superior. However, the kick is fleeting and strengthening my ego is not what I’m after. Authenticity comes from being honest with myself and expressing that honesty. When I find myself judging another, I know it is a fruitless and harmful endeavor no matter how good it feels to my ego. I like to keep that aspect of me in its proper place. Authenticity is my master.

The Highest Purpose For All Involved

When I get an idea about something and want it to manifest in my life, I remember that I have such a limited view of life, seeing through the filters of my conditioning, that I don’t actually really know what would be the best thing for me. So many things I’ve visualized and asked for came to me and as soon as they did, I was asking for them to be taken away. As they say, “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”

I often think I know what I want, but when I’m asking, I‘m coming from a mind that thinks it needs something other than what is, as if the Creator, or the Force, or God, or Existence, whatever you want to call it, made a mistake. Something in me knows that I’m not seeing all there is to be seen in every moment and that I’m probably missing quite a bit. If I could see everything, I would pro,bably realize that nothing is missing in my life. I’m sure that more than I can even imagine is sitting right in front of me and I don’t see it. So I always add, “This or something better, for the highest purpose of all involved is manifesting in my life now. What I really want is to be experiencing the highest purpose for everyone. I can’t know what that is, so the best thing for me to do, as long as I think something is missing, is to turn it over and trust that Existence will show me which way to look.

Hamster Wheel of Desire

Some say desire is a distraction, always pulling our attention from the present into the future. Others say it is a necessary motivating force in evolutionary advancement. I’ve learned that there are two kinds of desires: needs and wants. A need is a “true” desire based on what I need to live, and a want is a “borrowed” desire based usually on what I see others having, and on what I think would impress others.

Satisfaction is something that comes from within rather than from any person, place, or thing on the outside. It's a decision I make to be in desire or in satisfaction. Spending time on wants rather than on needs keeps me in a never ending ride on the hamster wheel of desire. When I focus on gratitude for what I have, and work to maintain a feeling of satisfaction for what is in the moment, existence brings me whatever I need. Interestingly, whatever I need is also what I want.

The Attitude of Gratitude

I’ve heard more than one sage say that when we take life for granted the first thing we experience is boredom. If we continue for an extended length of time down this path, depression sets in. Although existence offers such abundance, it is easy to slip into thought patterns, which cause us to forget and take our precious lives for granted.

When I was growing up, I was fortunate to have a mother who had no tolerance for boredom. If I ever complained of being bored she’d say, “Boredom is not allowed in this house. Find yourself something to do.” Consequently, I have never suffered much from boredom or depression, although I have had my share of suffering.

It’s my theory that if I could focus on gratitude 100% of the time, I would experience total well being, both mentally and physically. This is not to say I wouldn’t have illnesses, set backs or challenges, I just wouldn’t suffer from them. So it’s my practice to make a daily list, either in my mind or on paper, of as many things as I can think of, for which to feel grateful. If I’m having a particularly challenging day and it’s hard to even think of things, I just say “thank you” over and over and watch what arises mentally. Sometimes, I’m quite surprised at what pops up that I’m thankful for. I’ve been doing this practice for 15 years or more, and I must say, I haven’t reached 100% yet, but I do think this theory is a good one. It works for me.

There Are Two Ways to Live Your Life

Einstein says, "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." If I think nothing is a miracle, I feel a little flat. If I think everything is a miracle, I feel inspired.

Whenever I take a moment to reflect on the fact that my heart beats, my lungs breathe, my intestines turn food into energy, and everything inside my body continues on without any effort on my part, I am amazed and there is little question in my mind which way to live life.

The Body Never Lies

When my body speaks, I listen. The body never lies. When it acts out in uncomfortable ways, I know I am out of alignment with my own truth and it is time to take note. I love how reliable my body is in keeping me attuned to the errors of my thinking. When I go too far astray, cultivating and believing thoughts which aren't bringing me peace, I can always count on my body to react and let me know. If I listen to the minor discomforts and take action to correct my thinking, the discomfort goes away. If I don't listen, the minor discomforts turn into more major discomforts and if I ignore those, I may find myself with dis-ease. I listen! This is not to say I am at fault if something sneaks up on me and I find myself ill. It's neither good nor nor bad, yet a gift showing me something I can inquire into for greater self awareness.

Focusing on What I Want

I can seriously change the quality of my life by focusing on what I WANT rather than on what I DON'T want. What I put my attention on expands and so focusing on what I'd like to see manifest rather than on what is dissatisfying to me, puts me in the proper frame of mind to change the general quality of my life from negative to positive.

Out of Alignment

When I feel out of alignment with inner peace in any way, or have a judgment about myself or another, I use the ancient Hawaiian technique of Ho'oponopono to realign myself. The technique is to focus on whatever it is I'm judging or having a problem with, and say to myself: "I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you." I'm sorry and forgive me is asking Existence or my True Self to forgive me (the egoic separate self) for thinking erroneous thoughts, which have caused my misalignment with peace. Thank you and I love you is then offering love and gratitude to my True Self. This always makes me feel better and helps me let go of my judgment. This not only reminds me that I'm responsible for any feelings I have about any particular circumstance, but also allows me to substitute a positive mantra for a negative complaint. The energy I radiate out into the world is a result of the thoughts I cultivate. Whether I am judging myself, a friend, or a world situation, my judgmental thoughts create an energetic vibration which either radiates love and healing if my thoughts are loving or aggravates the situation if my thoughts are condemning and fearful.

Independence Day

When I let go of concern for what others think of me and express myself truthfully in each moment, I feel free. Today is Independence Day, a day for celebrating freedom. As I practice expressing myself honestly, I become more authentic everyday.

My Own Best Friend

When I have a problem, I can be very sure that I AM the source of the problem. Whatever is bothering me has to do with my reaction. How I hear or see or feel anything is completely unique to me. It may not affect someone else at all. No matter how many people I can get to agree with me, and as much as it seems like it is coming from somewhere outside of me, nothing and no one can cause my feelings, not even if they wanted to. If I am coming from an unconscious place, my reaction is caused by my conditioning. That's the bad news. The good news is that this understanding gives me all the power to choose how I feel 100% of the time. It's really a choice of being kind, neutral, or mean to myself. Today I'm going to be my own best friend.

The Gap That Causes Our Stress

This difference between how we see ourselves and how we want to be seen by others is the gap which causes most of our stress. It's human nature to focus on our own faults and fear the outside world sees us as negatively as we see ourselves, while at the same time, wanting others to admire and think highly of us. When I notice this desire to impress others and get approval from the outside world, I can catch my intentions in that small space before I start to speak. If I stop before speaking, allow myself to just relax, I can give myself the approval I'm wanting. This feels so much better. When I come from an authentic place in all my interactions with the outside world, when I completely express my truth, all stress and tension disappears.

What I See in Others is a Mirror of Myself

The strengths I notice and admire in others are strengths I have as well, or I wouldn't notice them. We are all mirrors for one another. When I acknowledge and praise strengths in others, especially out loud, my self esteem grows. When I criticize others, my self esteem withers.

Imaginary Enemy

No one can make me feel anything that I don't already feel somewhere deep inside. If someone tells me I'm too tall, it doesn't bother me. If someone says I'm too short, I might feel a little hurt because at times in my past I have felt short. If someone has a judgment about me, I only care if I have that same judgment. We are all mirrors of one another showing us where we need to be more self-accepting. Now when a button of mine gets pushed and I feel even the slightest bit reactive, I know there is some aspect of me I'm not loving. Understanding this, I can say thank you and get to work rather that going to war with an imaginary enemy.

Peace is a Gift

Everything I feel is my own creation. If what I'm feeling is not enjoyable and causing me discomfort, I can ask myself, "Why would I want to entertain and cultivate this creation of mine, which feels bad?" Or I can just realize that it is the nature of the ego to find faults and justifications for the faults, in an attempt to stay in control. With this realization, I can just drop the issue and return to peace of mind. Personal peace of mind is a gift to the world.

The Need For Attention

Harmony is my true nature. Yet harmony is threatening to my ego. When I am in harmony, my ego tries to find ways to get my attention and regain control. If I stay aware and watch it's strategies, trying to find fault with this or that, having opinions about this and that, I can recognize it as the child it is. When I forget and slip into distraction, it can grab a hold and whip me around. Now when I find myself in the grip of my ego and behaving from that less than harmonious state of resisting what is, I can smile and remember, harmony is my true nature, all else is just an illusion created by a child in need of attention.

Aural Gift

As a meditation, when I expand my awareness to include all the sounds I hear in the distance and I merge mentally out into it, the experience feels expansive and free.
Every sounds has a gift in it. Can I find it?

Authenticity

Worrying about what other people think of me is a waste of time and truly none of my business. I can never know what is going on in the mind of another. What anyone thinks of me is filtered through a lifetime of their conditioning of which, I have no control over. When I let go of the desire to please or control what another thinks, and act from a place of authenticity, I please my inner self and that is my business. When I can trust myself to be authentic, others can trust me.

Spontaneous Sweetness

When I live spontaneously I open to being touched by unexpected sweetness!

Do I Want To Be Right or Happy?

Holding on to a position keeps me stuck in an identity, which limits my freedom and keeps me separated from others. When I relax and release my need to be right, I realize greater joy. Do I want to be right or happy? Right is relative and dependent on a point of view. Happiness is a just a choice I can make no matter what.

Letting Go

What can I let go of today to make myself lighter? Perhaps a judgment of myself or another? Ah, I found one!

The World is My Reflection

Whenever I find myself wanting something from the outer world, especially attention or love, it is time to give it to myself. When I give myself what I need, it comes flooding in from the outside. Whatever I see in the outer world is just a reflection of my inner world. That's great news! The power lies with me.

A Big Conscious Breath

Many years ago I took a ride at an amusement park. It was the one that whirls around so fast that centrifugal force holds you on while the bottom falls out. I began to panic as it whirled faster and faster, screaming "Stop, Please Stop!". My friend next to me finally said, "JARL BREATHE!" I took a big deep breath and Voila! I was fine. Relaxed! On this ride called life, it's amazing what a big conscious breath can do. It always works for me.

Gratitude Attitude

Gratitude transforms me. When I turn a troubled mind to thoughts of gratitude, my energy seems to become harmonized with the Universal Flow. With gratitude as my dominant mindset, I become an energetic match to prosperity and joy.

Wonderfully Surprised

If we all could take a moment now and then to go within and ask what a particular dislike, or even better, an extreme aversion is pointing to in ourselves, we may be wonderfully surprised. I say wonderfully because this is a very empowering technique. I say surprised because seldom do we realize that what we dislike in another is a disowned part of ourselves. What we cannot accept in ourselves, we cannot accept and love in another. The answer to peace and happiness lies in the degree to which we love and accept ourselves. When we stop projecting all of our self-hatred onto others and begin the process of healing into self-acceptance, the end of war becomes a real possibility.

There is No Such Thing as a Weakness

In truth, there is no such thing as a weakness. Just as darkness cannot be measured without involving the measurement of light, neither can weakness be measured without involving the measurement of strength. When I accept the powerful reality that there is no such thing as a weakness, I can put my attention on the degrees of my strengths. Just for an experiment, I made a list of 5 of my strengths and 5 of my perceived weaknesses. I noticed that I felt empowered when making my list of strengths and somewhat low and foggy headed making a list of my "weaknesses." If I make a concerted effort to improve my weaknesses, I will do so from a low and foggy state of mind. If however, I focus on growing my "strengths" I will do so from an empowered point of view. What I focus on expands. From now on I will focus on growing my strengths rather than trying to improve something that doesn't exist.

Taking For Granted What's Right

As much as I am committed to focusing on gratitude, the dominant paradigm in our society and a long standing habit of mine is to take for granted what's right in my life and to notice with full attention what's wrong. When I ask "what's right" with even what I'm finding wrong, it shifts me into a more positive attitude. I can then focus on how to make it better rather than staying stuck, stewing with what I perceive as wrong.

Giving and Receiving

Energetically, giving and receiving are the same. When I give, I feel good. When I receive, I feel good. Today I will find an opportunity to be generous, even if it is just by letting someone go before me in line.

Eyes of Curiosity

I can never step in the same river twice, by the time I put my second foot in, the river has changed. I can never talk to the same person twice. We are all changing moment by moment. Today I choose to look at everyone I see with the fresh new eyes of curiosity and openness.

The Quick Road to Peace

I am never upset for the reasons I think. If I just feel the sensations of my discomfort and resist the temptation to project and blame outward, I will return to peace much more quickly and avoid adding more baggage.

Still Just My Story

No matter how many people I may get to agree with my story, it's still just a story. If it feels good-keep it. If it feels bad-drop it. Easy

What I Focus on Expands

What I focus on expands, so when I spend time on a problem, I help it grow. If I turn my awareness toward solutions instead, I see the solution grow.

My Perception is Not Reality

My perception is not reality. It is just my spin which is seen through the filters of my conditioning. Reality is what is before I have a thought about it.